Be a good girl. Don’t cause your parents any trouble. Be happy. Make the best of it. There’s no point in crying about it. Make the best of what you’ve got. Why cry over spilled milk? There’s always a silver lining. Have a stiff upper lip. Chin up chicken. Your parents have enough to worry about. Be good.
I became afraid to talk.
I became afraid to breathe.
I became afraid to be.
At a time when we should be learning how amazing and special and loved we are, I was hearing those messages from the wonderful and loving adults in my life. They weren’t abusive. They weren’t horrible. They were loving, kin
d and caring people. We were all just stuck in a situation that was handed to us, for a purpose if you believe in God, for no purpose if you don’t.
One of the most amazing things I’ve learned is about the connection between our emotions and our physiology. Yesterday I heard Anthony Robbins speak live for the first time. It was so amazing. I left feeling energized in a way I haven’t, maybe ever felt. Ever.
When you have trauma in your childhood you often don’t have enough memories to effectively work through in therapy so you have to take other approaches to change. So, over the last few years knowing that I’ve wanted to be bolder and have a need to feel special I’ve taken steps to be purposefully visible and love myself.
This morning I woke up with the awareness that the messages I heard as a child basically made me want to be invisible. How else do you not cause trouble? You become invisible. When you’re invisible you cause no trouble. To become invisible you must slow the body and quiet everything. You slow your breathing and speak quietly. You restrict everything.
(as a side note, I LOVE HOW YOUR BRAIN WORKS THROUGH THINGS AT NIGHT...)
Am I surprised that I now have myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome? No. Am I surprised that people are always telling me I’m too quiet? No.
I wonder what comes next. I’m excited to see.
Get curious about what your body is telling you. All the answers just may be there. And go stake your claim in the world!