My heart goes out to a dear friend who lost her mother recently. Initiation in the Motherless Daughters club at an early age isn't something easy. Mothers typically hold a special place in our hearts. Whether you love or hate yours, your relationship with her shapes and defines your life immense ways.
My experience is this is that even after 25 years there are days when the loss feels sharp. It's in those moments where you would look to her to be a part of your life, like Mother's Day. It's something that is not understandable until you live through it. It's something that, the younger you are the more it changes and defines the rest of your life.
I am normally a happy and optimistic person. Don't get the idea that because I'm talking about sharp, seemingly unresolved grief that I live my life in that state. I don't, and neither will you. What I want you to lovingly know is that it's normal to have moments where you are doubled over with a hole inside you that seems unfillable. Because it is. Those moments will pass. It's totally natural for you to feel that way on occasion, even 25 years later.
Today I can honor my mother and her loss in my life by sharing the gifts she left me. I have developed a gift for unconditional love and compassion, a strength that has carried me through difficult times and a knowledge that no one stays with me forever so I am learning to cherish and make the most of every moment I have with them.
When you are ready, Hope Edelman's book Motherless Daughters, can give you an understanding of the ways in which your life has changed and also the knowledge that you are not alone.
I and countless others are with you. My heart is open to you in the moments you need it.
“I truly believe that the death of my mother has made me the way I am today. I am a survivor, mentally strong, determined, strongwilled, self-reliant, and independent. I also keep most of my pain, anger and feelings inside. I refuse to be vulnerable to anyone, especially my husband. The only people who see that more emotional or softer side are my children. That too because of my mother.” ― Hope Edelman, Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss